I realize that I have many people in my life who love me and give me the support and strength I need from them. I thank Rock Diva for reminding me of this. Of the endless love I receive from my children. Of the hugs Ben has given me, saying "Mommy, you look so sad". Of the love my father gives me over half the world away, telling me he wants to hear the sadness gone from my voice. Of the small touches of love and gratitude from my patients and their families. Of Carrie and Brenda, who have brought tears to my eyes with their kindness and words of support and of their words of dismay at how T can't see the love that I give so freely and openly and how that cannot be enough. I thank the loving people in my life for reminding me that life is worth feeling. Even these miserable days when I want to stop feeling.
One of the things I often heard growing up is that I am too sensitive; that things of an emotional nature hit me harder than with others. Perhaps this is true, as I've seen people shrug off these challenges with barely a blink of the eye. I've lost sleep. I dont' feel like eating. I cry at the drop of a hat. I've just finished reading "A Thousand Splendid Suns" and marvel at how humans can endure life, and yet find such satisfaction in the end. That is all I want, to be satisfied, with my life, with my children, and with the choices I've made in my life. I'm told I will find this, in time.