New Year

2009: A year I don't want to repeat.
I'm glad for what the year brought. Closer to my Master's degree. January 17th my divorce will be final. Numerous changes at work, changes in healthcare, changes in my household. No way do I want to repeat this year.

I'm grateful for what Tom brought to my life at the time. I felt desired, sexy, and had a lot of fulfilling times. I'm disappointed that so much of that has been discarded, but it's not my call. I surely don't want to repeat that again. Not only does the whole ending not represent how I choose to treat people, but I learned a very hard lesson. I'm still learning the lesson bit by bit, and it's not been a fun one to learn. I may be an old dog, but I can still learn.

I'm so grateful for my kids. Both are extraordinary in their own way. Jon in his seriousness, in his wry humor, and his daily gratitude. He says thank you and really means it and its a delight to hear it, because I know he really means it. I've driven him to school on rainy days, having been woken up far too early from a warm bed, and he'll tell me thanks before we are even out the door. He knows what I'm giving him on a daily basis. What's even more astonishing is that I'd continue to give him my motherly love and support without the thanks, but his words make it all that much more rewarding.

Ben is a totally different boy. They have different body types. Where Jon is lean and muscular, Ben is built like a linebacker. He's two and a half years younger, but is the same height and outweighs his brother by 30#. I worry that Ben has a tendancy to the stocky side, and he's a very picky eater, but boy does he have a good attitude! Ben finds humor in almost anything. He is wise beyond his years, and he is such a flatterer. He also knows the benefit of a good hug. I love his wit and his way with words. He's my charmer and I fully expect him to make me a grandmother within the next 12 years.

The love a mom has for her kids is amazingly powerful and pure. I don't want anything from them. Well, maybe a homemade card for mother's day would be nice, and help with the household chores, but I don't expect anything else from them. I love them totally and without limit. I often tell Ben that I love him higher than the sky and deeper than the ocean, for there are no bounds to the love I have for me kids.

I also know I have to make them do things that aren't fun in order to become decent adults. They must share in chores. They must participate in the household. They must work hard at school. They must be honest with their parents, wash daily, and brush their teeth before bed. I cannot say how much I hate parents that make their kids the center of their world and let the kids control the family. Makes me think of what wimps the parents are and what a horrid childhood the kid will have. No one wants a boss at work who acts like a 5 year old, so why would someone want a home-boss who provides all that a 5 yr old has to offer? Grow a backbone!

I'm looking forward to 2010. It is a year full of promise.