Selfish

I'm feeling horribly selfish and I hate that part of me. My sweetie lives several states over. Somewhere back in the recesses of my mind, I have a fantasy that one of us will move closer to the other. Unfortunately, as I share kids with my ex, I need to be here for another 5 years- til the kids are done with school. This means my fantasy involves T moving closer to California. I know I can't ask this of him, though I'd love it. He has his job, which he loves there. And his bands, which are just becoming successful. Asking him to move would be too much of a sacrifice for him, thus I can't ask him to consider it.

After a yet another wonderful week together, he's home. He's looking for property to buy. I'm so happy for him on one hand, but I'm sad on the other. Fantasy is burst. On the other hand, this does mean he doesn't have a landlady with requests for him not to have overnight guests. This is a very good thing! It's challenging living life with such conflicting emotions all at once.