January 17th, 2010

As of this date I will be divorced. I just got notice from the court that my divorce petition has been accepted by the court and has been entered as a decree, with the date of finalization of January 17th. I don't know whether to be happy or sad.  I think I'm a bit of both.

They say one door closes, another opens. I feel as if the door in front of me has a deadbolt on the door, and the key is hidden.

I've also been pondering the meaning of "test".  A test is to demonstrate one's ability, one's status, or one's accomplishment in an area. One passes a test and moves on to the next level, as in final exams, or swimming tests.  When one has been offered a test, is it inherent that passing assumes a movement to the next level?  I don't think it is so wrong to have that assumption.

They took our what??

I live in a neighborhood where I've been fortunate enough to return home from a day away, having left the garage door open and the house unlocked, to find nothing disturbed. No one has stolen bikes from the garage, nor cleaned out the belongings from my house.
Imaging my surprise to find that the halloween pumpkins that my kids picked out were missing
from my front porch. Someone took our pumpkins!
Note, they didn't take the cooler that was drying out from the XC meet we attended.
They didn't take my bulbs that have been sitting there for over a year. They didn't take my metal witch standing watch over the soon--to-come trick or treaters.
They took my kids' pumpkins. How sad.
Note: my kids pumpkins were orange, but I photographed these cool looking ones at the place we picked our pumpkins up from. they look snow-kissed and kinda pretty. enjoy. I think I'm going to make pumpkin bread later today.

Soulmates

Soulmates; as a kid I believed in them. I believed that people were made for each other and all one had to do was find their perfect match. You know, then life would be happily ever after.

Then I started dating. I realized that people I liked didn't like me back, or that people who liked me didn't get their affections returned.  Things seemed out of whack.  When I did meet someone and we got along, we tended to stay together for a long time, though I had my share of only-a-few-date times, too.

I started to realize that some people I knew, who were in arranged marriages, were doing rather well. Others, in marriages for love didn't always fare so well.  How could an arranged marriage be one that could find a soulmate?

I began to realize that there are things one's parents know about a child that might actually be key to making a lifetime relationship work.  A parent knows a child's moods, a child's way of understanding the world, what intrigues the child and what totally disgusts a child.  A parent would look at an arranged marriage as one that is beyond the intial chemistry, but rather one that is based on similar values and the-things-that-makes-one-tick.

I have often wondered, if my parents had to choose my mate, just who they would pick for me. Would they do a good job knowing just what I need in a partner? Part of me thinks that they would get it horribly wrong, but part of me thinks that maybe they would have done a good job. They would have taken the initial sex appeal and chemistry attraction away from the whole process and would have chosen someone who would compliment me.

Back to the idea of the one and only soulmate - no, I don't believe in that. There are over 6 billion people in the world. How could I possibly find just ONE soulmate out of all those people. Say half are female and 1/10th is gay, that still leaves 2.5 billion or so as potential soulmates, and I have to find just one? I don't think Nature is so cruel.

What's left? To find someone with whom one is compatible. A person with interests somewhat similar, but different enough to keep things interesting. Also with different interests, one doesn't end up being competitive with one's partner, which is probably a good thing, given my latent competitive nature.  Finding a person who compliments one's sense of the world, one's take on life in general. Complimentary humor also helps, as does similar needs for affection and intimacy.  Nothing could be worse than being a person who craves physicial affection and being paired with someone who hates to be touched. That would be torture.

I love the idea of a soulmate. The idea that there is one person out there who matches my needs and wants perfectly and that if we find each other, we will both be fulfilled. I've looked for 50 years and haven't come close.  Both have to find it, with each other.

This is much harder than I thought.

This is definitely much harder than I thought. I read T's blog mentioning about the guided communication process, so I know he's actively looking for someone to date - locally.  I know logic says I'm here and he's there and I know my brain says that it's totally rational to want to date someone closer to where you live.  My brain seems to not be communicating much with my heart.

So I've been trying to figure this out.  Why is my heart so "stuck" on Tom? He's not perfect. Well, no one is, but he's comfortable.  I understand his humor. I know some of the things that are important to him. I won't ever really understand everything because my experience in life doesn't match his. I can't begin  to fathom how religion and his parents' beliefs have played out in his life.  I could go on and on about him, but I won't, cause this is about me figuring things out.  So why am I stuck, especially since I don't want to be?  I care about him enough that I want him to find what he needs.  Even though I want this for him, it's so much harder than I thought it would be.

Dating Sites - It's a laugh

As several colleagues at work recently were married to their matches from Match.com, and since my friend T signed up for another dating site, I thought I'd check them out. I did a profile at eharmony and at match to just see what these services are like.

You'd think during the free period, the sites would bend over backwards to make them seem appealing.  They are not. One spends about 10 min or so filling out a questionaire. Things such as : friends describe me as _______.  When people first notice me they see  that I'm __________.  I wish more people would recognize this about me: _____________________.  One is also asked about religion (NOT!) and if one wants kids.  Another question is regarding how far a diameter in distance one wishes to seek a date. For me the answers are "No" and "30 miles".

Why the fuck am I getting matches from people in Wisconson? Why is my "perfect match" someone who writes about walking with God along His way?  What total fucking idiots!  Is there NO WAY that a match program can't identify that Wisconson (and Huntington Beach, and North Carolina...) is more than 30 miles away.  When I've written that churches are only places filled with the evils of humankind, why does the stupid match system link me to someone who needs to have God in his life? Give me a fucking break.  Maybe these sites work for people who really do want a match and who are willing to sift through all the chaff to get to the few nice grains of wheat.  I'm not there yet. Not by a longshot.

Odd that the person using the service can't rate the importance of various "must haves".  My god, even one guy's profile talked about his wanting "his guy" to be something special. I get matched with a bisexual (or gay?) person. Can't that be a selection, too??  I've got enough fucking idiots in my life, I don't need to be matched with more!  Oh, and it's not just women who read "Eat, Pray, Love"  One of my matches is currently reading that now. *rolls eyes*

Trust me, I can find idiot guys on my own easily enough. If I were to pay for a service like this, I'd want the damn service to WORK! Oh yes, and spelling does count.  Nothing worse than hearing about "anywhere matrue people hang out."  Dont "matrue" people know how to spell?  How about this description of self, "American African, American Latino, American white, Native American?"  Hmm, Every other ethnicity is capitalized but White.  Maybe that's a subtle message?  Not only is "Eat, Pray, Love" a killer, but so is "The Secret."  Doesn't anyone remember reading "the Emperor's New Clothes" when they were little?

There are so many things that are laughable.  Take this person's profile picture: http://pictures.match.com/pictures/31/80/77893180A.jpeg.  he's an okay looking guy, but why the heck put a dumpster in one's profile picture. It makes one only think the logical thought.. he's trash!  Sheesh.

This started out as a short post. Really it did. I just keep looking at my matches and the material kept coming.

The right tool for the job

My son is running cross country. The poor team doesn't have a banner, nor a shade shelter when spending all day at events.  As a decent sewer,  I decided to take matters in my own hands and create a team banner.  It took all day to trace and cut out the letters. The red background I originally purchased was too small, so I had to get a larger cut.  Everything got laid out nicely (with one small exception, which I will show in a moment), so I ironed down the letters as I used a heat and bond product that assures me I won't have to stitch down the letters.

The kids attend a meet. The banner is a huge success.  The banner gets folded up and I notice some of the letters are just starting to peel away. I guess I get to sew down the letters.

This is where it's important to have the best of tools.  I pulled out some nice, shiny thread I have had for a few years. Madeira thread. It's supposed to be good stuff. I got a selection of it when I got my sewing table.  I generally don't go for shiny, so I've saved it.  Now's the time to use it, as its what I have available.

Fill up a bobbin. No problem. Especially after I bought new bobbins, as the metal one's I had purchased previously (and despite them being advertised as Pfaff bobbins) really didn't play nicely with my machine.

I start sewing. I get through one letter, fiddling with the tension. Thread keeps breaking.  I sew down another letter and get through that, with a breakage or two. I persist. I'm stubborn that way. I get the "B-Town" sewn and I'm stopping every 30 seconds to deal with thread breakage. I can't figure out what's wrong. Is it my tension? Is something getting caught? I trouble shoot and sew some more. Still breakage. In a stroke of genius, I test the thread itself. I pull on the thread strait from the spool. Slight tug - snap. I try again.  Slight tug and snap.  SNAP! the thread is old and not good any more.

After a trip to the local fabric store (and $60 later, as I got a few other things I needed there, such as a wool batting for my latest quilt) I sew again. I'm thrifty. I keep sewing with the same bad thread in the bobbin. More snappage. I finally finish the bobbin and thread up with the entirely new spool. Not a single break!

It is always best to start with quality tools and materials. I know this!  When will I finally start practicing this?

As for the layout: My kids' father said he'd help with the layout when I was at work. I got home at midnight, just wanting to get this done, so I ironed everything out, without double checking the work. I know he's anal retentive about spacing, so I thought it was all okay. It looked okay to a bleary eyed seamstress.  It wasn't.  Not until I took this picture I thought everything was a-okay.  It was then that I re-discovered just how dyslexic he is.  I've subsequently fixed it, but there is some adhesive residue left on the banner. Anyone know how to get that off?

George Mark House

This is the first hospice for children. Through my work we have sent several children and their families to this facility for end of life care. I can't say enough good things about this facility and I ask that anyone consider making a donation to this facility in order to help it to continue to run. I just did. Via their blog, one can discover other, non-financial ways in which to help the facility (see http://www.georgemarkfund.blogspot.com/).