suicide

Is it even possible to help friends who are depressed and suicidal without getting mired in the muck of their lives?  With a mother who has attempted suicide, I have my own scars disfiguring my emotions.  I'm not sure that I have anything within me to give to a friend who struggles with life.

He is back from the latest brink of death, and not drinking at this time.  I am glad he has gotten into the system to get him meds and therapy and detox. I am very glad.  I also feel like shit. I spoke with him for over an hour via google chat and was unable to respond to his "I love you" at the end of the conversation.

How young is too young?

Young, virile, attractive, and only 33.  Dear lord. I am only 5 years younger than his mom.  How big a deal is age when both are adults?  I've known this man for years, and been attracted to him for about the same length of time, but only after I became divorced did he return any affection.  For now, I am just pondering.

Real People

I'm laying here thinking about what makes a person a real man or a real woman.  I am thinking that it's partially approaching things head-on, with no game playing.  It's dealing with issues directly, truthfully, and with no game playing.  I need to work on being a real woman, especially with issues at work.  I have a few people in my life who need to become real people, too.  You got an issue with me? Talk to me, directly, please.

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Berry Shortcake

Since my workout schedule has been interrupted since I have been on a jury in a murder trial, I figured I might as well go all out. I made seafood paella and a berry shortcake this weekend and both were yummy!  The paella recipe was a combination of several recipes I have, which I will type out later in this post.  The berry shortcake was a recipe from Whole Foods, of all places.  I had purchased a half flat of raspberries (favorite of mine) and a big tub of blueberries, to which I added blackberries from my garden. YUMMY!


The paella takes a dozen cloves of garlic, diced up and added to a splash of oil in a large, heavy skillet or paella pan.  To this cook about a pound of raw shrimp. Its nice if you can get shrimp with the shells on, but deveined, as the shells add a wonderful flavor, but this time I could only find raw, shelled (with tails on) shrimp.  When the shrimp turn color, remove them from the pan.  Add diced onion to the pan to soften and turn translucent.  Add the rice and cook until the rice also turns translucent. I used a combination of arborio and brown basmati rice this time.  Add white wine and stock (or better than bouillon made up into a broth, I used half lobster flavor and half chicken flavor) to the rice for cooking. I used 2 cups rice (1 cup of each) and 2 cups wine, 4 cups broth). Also add seasoning:1/4 tsp saffron,  1/2 tsp red pepper flakes,1/2  marjoram, 1 tsp paprika, and salt / pepper to taste. THIS TOOK FOREVER TO COOK! When the rice is almost cooked, add your veggies. This time was red bell pepper and broccoli from my sister's garden.  Peas or sugar peas are also good, as are artichoke hearts, green pepper, asparagus, or any favored vegetable. Live a little and experiment! Replace the shrimp on top of the rice, too, as well as whatever seafood you prefer. I added King crab legs which I had chopped to about 3 inch sections then used kitchen shears to cut the shell along its length to make them easy to eat.  Just before service juice a lemon or two over the dish. Parsley may also be added, but I didn't as I hate parsley.  cooked the dish covered for the first part of the rice cooking and uncovered for the last 15 min or so, Covering again at the last minute to ensure the shell fish was warmed thoroughly.

en goute

I have bad timing

I was finally done with my Master's degree in April, so I schedule a vacation. What happens? Mom schedules her surgery. At least I get to help her around the house, but it's no vacation.

I schedule off time in July and in August. August is ruined first, as my sister needs to travel out of town and *someone* needs to stay nearby to check in on mom. I am someone. July gets ruined as I get a jury duty summons. Actually I had gotten it for January, but I post-poned it 6 months until I was done with school. July comes and it's not just one day. I'm selected for a trial that is expected to continue until Labor Day. Not only does that mess up July's vacation, but also the second week I had scheduled for August. I have a week scheduled for September, so I hope I can enjoy that time, at least!

I may just need to wait until December. Yosemite should be rather nice that time of year. Here's hoping I can last that long.

On the subject of bad timing: a few weeks ago, maybe a few months ago, I slipped off a machine at the gym. It was a machine whereby one rests the elbows on a pad, steps on a "T" bar and lifts the legs into a standing sit up. My feet slipped off the "T" and I hit my tailbone on the bar. It hurt like a m-----f---r for a few minutes, but then I was okay and I finished my workout (without finishing up those stomach exercises). Since I mostly stand for my work, I didn't feel much pain but a general soreness in my pelvis. Now come jury duty and sitting in the viewer section of the court until the jury panel is selected. I was one of the last selected, so I got to sit on those horrible seats for 4 days! I am now aching horribly. I saw my chiropractor today who confirms a left deviation of my coccyx (aka tailbone). Advil just doesn't cut it if one has to sit. Thankfully the judge says I can stand any time!